i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I made him laugh his dick is mine
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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