her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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