the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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