I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
