dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
