I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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