There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
