i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
