I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Dignity is for republicans.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
