I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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