His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
