i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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