that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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