I swear she didn't look like that last week.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
