That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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