you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I had to cum in my sink.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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