well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize