he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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