He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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