so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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