we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
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I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
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I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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