we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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