you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize