wakey wakey hands off snakey
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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