i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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