I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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