I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
