I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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