Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
