Already got asked if we're dating
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
