Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
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i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
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Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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