The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
