I heard we made out
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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