I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
