someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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