i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
