On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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