How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
