I think my vagina is haunted
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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