i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
God I need to hump something, right now.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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