I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
