He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
