I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I woke up under a house in Key West
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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