So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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