I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
