Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
