Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
