Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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