erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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