physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
