Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
