And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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