We're facebook friends in real life
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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