So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
