How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
