I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
