I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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