I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
