a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
