True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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