This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
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