you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Randomize
