dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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