I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
