I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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