I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
How's work?
Spinning.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
